Sunday, April 12, 2009

Stop What Your Doin, Cuz I'm About To Ruin The Image And The Style That Your Used To

The financial world is in pretty poor standing at the moment. Banks are closing, home foreclosure and unemployment are high, but the devastating affects of this economic downturn are even farther reaching than you may have guessed. Even people who are still lucky enough to have a steady job are facing new challenges.

For instance, the mofos at the furniture store find themselves with a lot of down-time because furniture is not selling like it used to. When work slows down, horsing around increases. But you can only hog-tie your coworkers or unexpectedly jump out of boxes yelling RAH! so many times before you need to come up with a new form of entertainment.

This is how it came to pass that the mofos decided it would be a good idea to get the two goofiest goobers on our crew and convince them that they should have a dance contest, to see who was the ultimate furniture store Lord Of The Dance.

Before you watch the video of these guys, please know that as it transpired, whispers did circulate through the crowd, "Are we going to hell for this? Yes. We are totally going to hell." It is disturbing, yet you can't look away.

At first, I felt so bad for the dancers. I have talked about Bregg (yes, his name is BREGG) several times on my blog before, and his exploits are endless. ENDLESS. But I stopped telling them because they could carry their own blog and I didn't want to completely demean him. Please trust me when I tell you that the footage of him dancing is practically a compliment in comparison to the embarrassing stories that I have avoided telling.

I've never talked much about Richard. I am pretty sure that he suffers from turret's syndrome (no foolin). The more excited he is about something, the harder it is for him to concentrate and he ends up grunting a lot. He also considers himself a serious martial arts student.

It is also important to remember that the mofos do not hold anything back. These two guys have spent years being verbally abused, yelled at, called names, and talked down to. During the dancing, the people who usually tell them where to stick things are suddenly cheering them on. I think the guys enjoy being the center of attention. They definitely give it their all. And for a brief moment or two, I think they actually believe, in their minds, that they are spectacular dancers.

The next couple of days after this video was shot, they seemed to strut around with pride at work. Richard came to me today and asked, "Did you see our video on Youtube? They cut out my best parts. They didn't even show my grand finale." Richard wished the mofos had posted the full 30 minutes of dancing. It's for the better. You have been spared the part where Bregg throws off his shirt.

Anyway, here are the highlights (If you don't like cussing then turn down the sound, they aren't called the mofos for nothin):

Anyway, if business doesn't pick up from here, just imagine what else may happen.

Speaking of dancing: After my brother's wedding, they had some dancing in a beachhouse. I didn't dance, but my wife was talking about it to my sister.

My wife said, "Have you seen Emmett dance? It is so...."

My sister said, "Yes. He used to dance like Axel Rose."

My wife said, "Yeah. It's so interesting. And people form circles around him when he dances."

I said, "Yeah, but it sucks. They make a circle around you and you just sit there dancing and you're like this is all I've got, people!"


Amber said...


Native Minnow said...

Where's the footage of you competing in the dance off?

flieswithoutwings said...

There is no way that I can compete with those moves.

PsychDoctor said...

So who is so hard to judge as the competition was so close... :)

PsychDoctor said...

And if you want to see some funny videos of a similar guy I used to know, named Bryan Emerson, search for B money on YouTube...He fancies himself a rapper and made some rap videos... :)

flieswithoutwings said...

Richard was the decided winner. Congratulations, Richard.

Native Minnow said...

I was going to suggest looking up B Money too, but I couldn't remember his "stage name".

flieswithoutwings said...

The honchos at work caught wind of this video and it was decided that it was in everyone's best interest to take down the video.