Friday, May 30, 2008

Submarine Screendoor Sales

Did I ever mention that I finally bought an ipod? I did, because someone gave it to me for practically nothing a few days after they bought it brand new. Which reminds me of something that happened at work:

Slosh: "Hey! Be careful. You could have broken my leg. You owe me $20 for that."

Geo-cacher: "I'm not giving you any money. You need to stay out of the way."

Me: "Wow. He'll let you break his legs for $20 a pop."

Geo-cacher: "That's too much money."

King Cub: "If Emmett says that it's a good deal then you should listen. He's always getting awesome deals on stuff."

Me: "At these prices, you can't afford NOT to break his legs."

Anyway. I bought an ipod and I've already decided I need a bigger one. But I'll use this one for awhile. I've recently been introduced to the world of podcasts. That kid I hang out with... the one who is writing a novel about aliens that kill everybody... he told me about a podcast for writers about writing.

You already know that I wish I had more time to write, so I've been trying to prep my head by listening to a bunch of these shows. And I can listen to them while I move furniture so I've listened to quite a few already.

While I have learned a thing or two about the business side of writing that I did not know before, I have also decided that these shows kind of bother me. Much as I have been accused of in the past, these shows seem to over-analyze everything. They take something beautiful, like writing, and take it apart and study it until it is mundane. They kill the dragon to see where the fire comes from.

When the host of this show interviews other writers, she puts them on a pedestal and the writers seem to eat it up. It's annoying. Let's do a pretend interview with ME as the subject to serve as an example, except we'll talk about humor instead of writing:

Host: "Hello, Emmett. Thank you for being here. You are so funny and it's an honor."

Me: "Thank you. Yes. It's fabulous being funny. Humor is at the center of my life."

Host: "Yes. And you ARE hilarious. One of my favorite jokes of yours is that one about the Pollocks."

Me: "Ha, ha. The Pollocks. What can I say? I was really in the zone that day."

Host: "So I'll just come right out and ask... How do you do it?"

Me: "Well, if you want to make a good Pollock joke the most crucial thing to understand is that PEOPLE FROM POLAND... are stupid. And that is the idea that needs to shape your joke. You tell a story and at the end... you sucker-punch people with the fact that these people are dumb."

Host: "Wow. You make it sound so simple. Maybe it is for you, but normal people can't do that. Thank you to my guest who once made a joke about pollocks."

Oops. I would write more but I'm going to be late for work. Sorry.

No comments: