Sunday, November 09, 2008

It can live in your body for years before it ravages your brain

I've had a funeral to attend every winter for the past three winters and I was completely prepared to make a desperate public plea for everyone I know to simply stay alive this winter. I was prepared to beg. It doesn't sound like much to ask and I could really use one winter funeral free.

But last weekend my wife's grandmother died and we went to her funeral on Thursday so that kind of changes things. Now I'm thinking... if you think there's a chance that your going to give up the ghost next year, maybe you could just expire this year for my benefit so winter 2009-10 can be funeral free. Thanks.

Actually, the funeral was pretty pleasant and involved throwing snowballs at eachother in the cemetery on a sunny day. The sorrow has more to do with never seeing someone again and realizing that there are horrible days lying in all of our futures like landmines. Sooner or later it's boom, boom, booyah!

If Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull had anything of interest to offer then maybe it was that line where the old guy says, "We seem to have reached the age where life stops giving us things and starts taking them away."

The guy in the movie was old. I didn't expect 30 years to be that age.

Plus, I got a haircut before the funeral. I thought it looked fine but if you want an honest opinion you have to get it from the mofos at work. One of them told me, "Your new haircut makes you look like a middle-aged mother of two named Opel."

Is there anything more beautiful than honesty?


Native Minnow said...

But I don't want to die.

Anonymous said...

I probably will, but you're excused form my funeral. I'm leaving a note. You're welcome.