Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Besides Two Chicks at the Same Time?

Ever since my first son was born I've kept thoughts running in the back of my mind regarding his future employment. Basically, I don't want him to have to work fastfood. They are correct in the movie "Office Space" when they say it's crap to pick a job based on your answer to the question "What would you do if you had a million dollars?"

Throughout your entire life it is hard to choose a career. I've met people who are nearing the end who still can't figure it out. If you are looking for the right career for you then maybe you should go take one of those standardized tests that pick the ideal vocation for your personality. During my third year of college I was thinking of changing my major so I went and took one of those tests. The test recommended that I should be an architect (but my university did not have an architecture program). Nearly ten years later, I was working at that brain-racking desk job. All of the people there are desperate to find ways of maintaining their sanity and a girl that I worked with sent me an online version of that career test so I took it. Funny thing, the test recommended that I should be an architect, AGAIN. At least they are consistent.

But in my interpretation, architects come in many forms. When I was a kid I was crazy about Legos. I am still awesome at building with Legos, except Legos kind of suck nowadays. Too many useless pieces. All they need to make is blocks. My new job is like architecture of sorts. We build all kinds of crazy stuff. Some may even say that painting a picture or writing a blog post is architecture of sorts.

And if somebody told boys that "Drawing Naked Ladies" has been a valid response to "What do you want to do for the rest of your life?" for hundreds, if not thousands of years then I think a lot more boys would pick that particular vocation:

You can draw naked ladies as revenge for a venereal disease:

Ain't you never seen a naked chick ridin' a clam before?

You can even be shy and still draw naked ladies:

It's hard to choose when you're not entirely sure what is even out there.

But for my son, I've been thinking of a starter job. My close friends probably won't be surprised. The answer is Fly Fishing. Mainly because Ethan has already been bothering me to teach him to Fly Fish. I had friends in high school who had jobs tying flies in a fly shop. One of them actually drown while flyfishing but that didn't stop anyone he knew from continuing to rip those trout lips. The other friend owned a dory before he could drive a car. He towed it behind his bicycle. And the moment he turned 18 he was immediately hired as a river/fishing guide. And those guys make good money compared to what most 18 yr olds bring in.

Another bonus to this idea of mine is that I can take trip after trip to Flaming Gorge, go fishing and tell my wife it's for the sake of our son's future. I'm totally going to do it.

When I was in college, my dear friend Dr. Slimy was an avid fly-fisherman. One day I saw a strange thing on his desk in his dorm room. It was the messed-up face of a rabbit. I asked him where he acquired such a thing and he told me that while he was driving home from his grandmother's house he spotted a dead rabbit on the side of the road and thought the animal's hide would be useful in tying flies.

So you sliced the rabbit's face off with big holes where the eyes go and the ears still attached? It was creepy, but cool. Silence of the Hares.

Coincidentally, one of my wife's rabbits died last week. She left the dead carcass in the cage in wait for me to get time off from work and go into the backyard and bury it. So I've had this burning in me to get fly fishing with my boy, learn him to tie and I happened to have a dead rabbit.

There was no way to approach the situation except to come right out and say it: "Honey, would you mind if I sliced the face off the bunny?"

Of course she said No. She said I can't cut the face off of anything we've named. She said I would have to go find a nameless bunny on the side of the road.

Anyway, that's my plan for my boy until he gets through college. I hope this has been useful in choosing your own career.


Native Minnow said...

You can just buy sliced off rabbit faces at any old fly shop. No need to do it yourself, unless of course you're looking to be able to tell the story of how manly you are.

slimysculpin said...

I did buy the sliced off rabbit face. I collected mostly squirrel tails and pheasant feathers off of roadkill. Alas, I don't have the knife skills to really do a good job of skinning anything without making a mess of it. That, and my gratuitous use of "alas" in the last sentence should put an end to any rumors of macho nnmanliness.