When you're 18 you're out the door

I am a little resentful towards school because I feel like I barely have any time to see my oldest son. He's off on his own and doing good anyway, he gets 100%'s on all of his spelling tests so I guess it is alright.

My consolation is that my daughter is constantly making me laugh. Here are some things that she's done and said lately that got to me:

1. I walked into the kitchen and heard a voice, "Hey! I'm the talking table!" I looked down to see her eyes peering out from under the table cloth but above the bench of a chair. She said, "I have invisible arms, invisible legs, an invisible brain and an invisible heart! I just have eyeballs."

I said, "Someone spilled food and drinks in your hair, talking table."


2. After seeing a commercial for the new Ninja Turtles movie, she said, "I like the Ninja Turtles. But Leonardo is grumpy."

I said, "Leonardo is their leader. He has to yell at them so they know what to do."

She said, "Leonardo is their leader? Then what is that rat-thing?"

I said, "Leonardo is their leader and Splinter is their teacher."

I swear that my conversations with my kids are better than 90% of those I have with adults.


3. Eleanor told her, "You are a good drawer."

She corrected her mother, "I am an artist."


4. Today she was walking around with a giant lump of pink, red and purple Playdoh stuffed in the front of her shirt. I was worried that she was trying to make boobs for herself, so I asked, "What is that?"

She pulled out the lump of Playdoh and held it up for me to see, she said, "It's my heart." She said it like her father doesn't know his butt-butt from a hole in the ground.


5. Last week she told her grandfather, "I don't like it when you pick me up with short sleeves on."

He asked, "Why not?"

She said, "Because you've got furry arms. You need to shave, mister!"


6. Last week I bought a side-table from Target. My daughter was very excited to play with the empty boxes. She took them all in her room and put them together like a master architect. When she finished, she came and got me and showed me her work. You will never guess what she made.

Go ahead. Guess.

Wrong.

She made a PUBLIC RESTROOM. She said, "It's big enough for 4 people." She was very excited to get 4 people into the cardboard restroom at once.