Sunday, February 11, 2007

After reading this blog--I feel like I deserve to know what keeps you going?

I always try to answer these serious questions. I think you are going to love it.

First, you will need to try a lot harder than that to hurt my word-spitting pride. The entire reason I wrote that post is because it makes me laugh when people try to come up with all these intricate connections that still point to the same things we already know.

Second, here are fast, easy, lame answers to your questions:

1. Only Oprah can tell us.
2. It's the Pandora's Box thing again; open the lid, out comes disease and hatred but also, Hope, flitting like a Lady Bug. Those Greeks knew everything.
3. I'm a miserable wretch.

When my little sister came to Utah for the film festival we were talking about the Indian reservation. I told her I would like to live there someday but not if I had to struggle to make ends meet. I told her I only want to live there again if I feel like I have some ability to make things better.

And really, I think of things that way wherever I am living. The improvements are just on a small scale. When we bought our first house we fixed a lot of things. The neighbors had lived there for decades and they told us all the time how they had never seen the house look so good. The house had either been empty or filled with strange people, fences were knocked down, cars were lit on fire. Then we came and people liked us. They liked seeing our awesome kids in the yard and the flowers we planted. I think we brought life to our block. Now we are gone, the house sits empty and those trashy kids that moved in next door are probably roadkill.

You have to look for a point in what I just said, but here is the real point:

It's the same message that Ethan wrote on his Magnadoodle a year ago: My Life is Myn. I don't know your beliefs. Perhaps you think you will be boning virgin after virgin in heaven but I don't have clear expectations on what is behind death's door. I am not waiting to live again in a different dimension. I am not putting off the things I want to do any longer than I must.

Somehow, I've been given life. It may be my only one. Just because things suck doesn't mean I'm going to bail out. Make the assholes leave. If you live your life and it all ends up shit, then it all ends up shit. You tried and it was worth a shot. But if you are too scared to stick it out or if you spend your whole life paralyzed with fear that you will never be a very good cog then that means that THEY won and you forfeited the only thing you had that was worth anything.

Pep talk is over. I've been awake all night.


ShootingStar said...

I agree--I think you do what you can where you can. Making a difference in a neighborhood or with an individual person is more important that talk of saving the world.

Thanks for the pep talk.

Oh and I think you've birthed an enlightend being by the way.

PsychoIntern said...

"those trashy kids that moved in next door are probably roadkill"

Hopefully not, but that was funny....

Native Minnow said...

Really? Hookers and coke keep me going. Ha!

flieswithoutwings said...

Yeah, I call that PLAN B. But I'm going to see how PLAN A works out first.