Thursday, January 25, 2007

Tricks to Being Alone and How I Put Too Much Stock In Cartoons

Are you familiar with those days when you just kind of hang around the house and by the end of the day you just start to feel bummed out?

I think it has to do with our desire as people to make progress in our lives. If we hang out for a day and don't make any kind of progress on a personal level then things start to seem wrong. I think this explains why we use shopping as therapy in America. Because if we buy something cool, though perhaps completely unnecessary, then it makes sense to us that our lives will be substantially better once we have that thing.

To avoid any guilt, one day I thought, "maybe I will go out and get my wife something nice." Just so long as I'm buying something. One second later I reminded myself that we don't have any money for me to go buy her something nice, but while I was thinking about money I sat down and paid some bills. And somehow, paying the bills made me feel better. Not like I was getting ahead in life but that I was at least taking care of my responsibilities, which is something I know a lot of people have difficulty doing.

I told my wife about my thoughts and that I was surprised that paying bills made me feel better. Here is what she said:

Eleanor: "I think you get bummed out because you are high maintenance."

Me: "WHHAAAaaaaa...?"

Eleanor: "You are high maintenance. Listen. Most people are happy sitting on their butts watching TV all day. All it takes for me to be happy is for my husband and kids to be nice to me."

Me: "Goodluck with that one."

Eleanor: "But you... you expect life to be awesome. You expect everything you do to be a cool experience, like snowboarding or biking or travelling. You expect more out of life than most people and when you can't have it you get bummed out."

Me: "Television sucks. I can't sit inside all day. And I have this crazy idea that life should be enjoyable. I'm an idiot."

It's good to pinpoint the problem. So, in short, I think people need to be patient with themselves. Baby step through work. Baby step through bankruptcy. Baby step to the timely passing of your wealthy relatives. And then you are set. If you can't wait that long, I hear drug dealing puts you right on the fast track... but if you choose this route DO NOT GO TO PRISON. I hear bad things about that place. And don't piss off the drug cartels, I hear that is an unpleasant experience as well.

The very best thing is if you can develop an attitude towards work like Spongebob. He loves his life and everyday is pretty much the best day ever. I often think that but then I compare my life to that of the yellow one without spicules. Squarepants owns his own home. Flat out owns it, before he even has his boating license. All of his family is in town and his two best friends live right next door. He has easy access to the Jellyfishing Fields and Goo Lagoon. He can setup a bubble blowing stand in seconds and even produce a living bubble friend if the other guys aren't available. He has no problem living on fastfood wages.

If I didn't have to worry about a home mortgage, I could easily live on the money I made as a dishwasher/busboy/prepcook as a teenager. If I could get out of town by taking a hop, skip and a jump down the street then I would rarely complain about living where I live. And friends? Who has time for those. Most of them can't even be bothered to check in on your blog every once in a while.

Yes, Spongebob has got the life. He should never feel sorry for himself ever again. If it was really feasible to live at the bottom of the ocean with a fishbowl on your head I think we would all be there.


Michelle said...

Hello, I am just commenting on your post I just read in the latest dooce comments section. I am a La Leche League member and have been since my daughter was born 2 years ago. All of the La Leche moms I know are go-with-the-flow types who would never force or push their little ones to do anything developmentally before they were ready. La Leche League is an organization whose sole purpose is to support the breastfeeding relationship between mothers and babies worldwide. Just FYI. Happy blogging.

Native Minnow said...

I'm going to get you a tiara and a little sticker that says Princess. You know, just so you can show how high maintenance you really are.

slimysculpin said...

I get the same feeling after spending the whole day in my office staring blankly at a word document that refuses to write itself into dissertation chapter 3.

This afternoon I spent an hour trying to figure out the word root that makes perturbate and masturbate look the same.

PsychoIntern said...

I hate sitting in the house too...I can't sit in a house or office for longer than 8 hours without going nuts...