The 3-year-old is getting too smart. We may have to destroy her for the good of mankind. The other day she used SARCASM against me. She's 3. Barely 3!
Olivia: "Where did mommy go?"
Me: "She ran inside the restaurant to get you a burrito because you're being a whiny crybaby."
Olivia: "I'm not a whiny crybaby. I'm Olivia (pronounced "Owivia")."
Me: "Yeah, but 'Olivia' is spanish for 'Whiny Crybaby.'"
Me: "What did you say?"
Olivia: "Funnyyyyyy, dad."
And today her mother confronted her about a puddle of urine on the bathroom floor.
My wife: "Olivia, who peed on the floor in the bathroom?"
And in the same manner her father defended himself against interrogation in high school, Olivia said, "Maybe it was you, mom."
But we found your soiled undies in the bathroom trashcan, little girl! You're busted and you aren't going to talk or smile your way out of it!