Thursday, March 02, 2006

No-toe-rious

In life, it seems like most problems can be solved by money. It's easy to think a job or unrequited feelings are the source of most problems. But little things have a way of sending ripples through your life as well. For instance, this week there has been a yellowish, crescent-shaped wedge splitting apart my family: My overgrown toenails.

I've just been busy. While I've managed to keep my teeth brushed and even my fingernails trimmed, my toenails have been neglected. This led to several unintentional clawings and all sorts feelings of discontent. Today I made fast work of clipping those dead cells and depositing them in the garbage can. A funk has immediately been lifted from my universe.

So if you are in a funk and can't figure out why, try clipping your nails. If you have nothing better to do you could brush your teeth again or, heaven forbid, floss. Just thought I'd spread some of the wisdom of my many philosophies on life.

8 comments:

slimysculpin said...

Nasty things on your feet? Reminds me of a story. Starts like this: Emmett had a wart...

Native Minnow said...

Gross. But after reading this, I've realized that my toenails are also overgrown (just not yellow). Of course, maybe it would have been brought to my attention sooner if I actually had someone to share my bed with who was receiving the "accidental clawings."

PsychoIntern said...

Reminds me of this old guy in a Portuguese nursing home who had toenails that were like three inches long and about 1/3 inch thick. Part of our weekly service hours were spent cleaning the home, shaving the old men, and Elder Smith had to cut the old man's STINKY toenails/claws. :{

Native Minnow said...

Three days have gone by since this post, and I still haven't clipped my toenails. I wonder if I should start some kind of Jake Plummer thing like he did with his beard during the playoffs. I could refuse to clip them until I find a new girl.

On second thought, I might go through too many pairs of socks if I do that. Plus, it would make it that much more difficult to get a girl interested ;-)

ShootingStar said...

I just want you to know that I took your advice and clipped my toenails. It didn't fix all of my problems, but surprisingly enough I did feel a bit better.

Native Minnow said...

I finally broke down and clipped mine too. But not until I realized I could run the risk of much pain if I played basketball today with them long.

Native Minnow said...

for the record, it was a good quarter inch of extra toenail that got removed :-)

Alpha said...

You're all disgusting, but I am glad that Flies Without Wings has inspired everyone. Inspiration can come in many different forms... Making the world a better place, one toenail clipping at a time.