Saturday, April 19, 2008

If That Honey Would Come Back, We Would Throw Such a Party

I have a week of school coming up again for the daytime job. There is a guy at work who is ahead of me in the program and he told me to come to his house and he would help me study. I saw some pictures of his wife hanging on the walls and said, "She looks like Lindsay Lohan." He said, "She'd be pissed if she heard you say that."

I told the other guys at work that his wife looks like Lindsay Lohan and he denied it, " I don't think she looks like Lindsay Lohan."

Another guy asked, "Which celebrity would you say she looks like?"

He said, "If I had to choose a celebrity... then I'd have to say she looks the most like... Lindsay Lohan."

Later when the boss came to us and gave us a work assignment we didn't like, he told the boss, "I don't know what balls-in-the-face ACTUALLY feels like, but I IMAGINE it's something like this."

Someone yelled at him, "Who the hell do you think YOU are, that you can talk to your boss that way?"

I said, "Do you have any idea who he thinks his wife looks like?!?!"

I've never met the girl in person nor talked to her. For all I know, she has never even heard my name. But the guy came up to me yesterday and said, "My wife says that YOU work too much."

Tell me something I don't know, Lindsay Lohan.

After we finished our study session, I thanked him for the help and gave him my standard speech. My standard speech about getting together and hanging out. It always includes me saying, "You should come over and we'll Barbeque." And then after they say, "Yeah, that would be fun." I inform them, "Except I don't OWN a barbeque. But maybe I'll buy one soon. And then we'll do it. And it will be fun."

I've been talking about this non-existent barbeque for years now. I either need to buy a barbeque or stop telling people I'm going to invite them over for one.

The guy from work called me on it. After he told me that his wife decided that I work too much, he asked, "So when are you going to buy a barbeque."

The answer is always the same: SOON.

The weather is nasty and unfriendly out here and seems to have a strangle-hold on our state. One of the guys at worked summed it up nicely:

I said, "It seems like it's warming up out here."

He said, "Yeah, but the weather in Utah is like a bad girlfriend. Just when you think she's warming up and being nice, she turns around and shits on you."

Anyway, I'll let you know when I get that barbeque.


Native Minnow said...

Maybe you could see about spending your 'happy eight' dollars on a barbecue. I'm sure they'd accept monopoly money.

Anonymous said...

You can still barbeque in the have to eat it indoors, but it is still fun...

Or, why don't you just cook some meat in the oven on Broil and invite people over..or Native Minnow could give you his George Foreman Grill...Dr. Psycho

Gordon said...

Buy a barbecue! Haven't used mine in a couple months. Naturally, it's supposed to rain and/or snow today.

Anonymous said...

Got to have a BBQ to drink and cook the prodigal son. I'm gonna be humming hot cha all day.