Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Clearing his throat and smiling with his hands on the bathroom sink

I gave my kids a bath today. Usually my wife does it. I was about to put them in the tub but I noticed crud building up on the sides. My wife usually cleans the bathroom, too. Don't get me wrong, I vacuum and run some dishes or a load of laundry (usually every week)and I do manly stuff like take out the garbage and shovel snow. Did I mention I built a shed?

Anyway, I wouldn't appreciate being tossed in a grimy tub if I was a kid so I tried to find some cleaning stuff to give it a scrub. All I could find was a bristly brush and some bleachy all-purpose spray. It did an okay job but I wasn't completely satisfied so I also repeated the process with some dish soap. How do you get the non-slip stuff clean without totally scrubbing it off?

I was thinking it was strange that people need to clean bathtubs at all. I know dirty people use the tub to hose off but it is constantly being flushed with soap and water. And what are feet aside from nature's scouring pads? How does it get dirty?

I haven't done any research or experimentation but these are my guesses:

1. Soap has its own crud-factor.
2. Leftover bath water has none of the qualities of "soap and water."

I just thought a tub should be easier to clean. But speaking of hygiene:

I have been lucky in life to be someone who has never had issues with Body Odor. Even when I do something strenuous and make a lot of sweat, I usually don't stink. But a few years back I started working long hours a physical job and I started to notice some BO (You still have to get your nose pretty close to smell it). The strange thing about this BO is that it seems to strike in only one armpit. I have a hard time understanding this so I decided to take a closer look.

Upon taking cheese scrapings from both of my armpits and careful observation under a microscope I found some interesting cultures of bacterium. The bacteria in my left (or stinky) armpit seemed to sustain themselves in shabby, disorganized groupings around burning garbage cans. The bacteria in my right (or mountain-fresh) armpit seemed to organize themselves in aesthetically pleasing groups with well-tended gardens and swimming pools.

In conclusion, I would like to advance NativeMinnow's theory that "poor people stink" and suggest that "poor people have poor bacteria and rich people have rich bacteria."


Native Minnow said...

So your right armpit is rich and your left armpit poor?

flieswithoutwings said...

The left armpit has been taxed beyond the breaking point by the right.

Native Minnow said...

I guess this brings a new meaning to not letting the right hand know what the left is doing. The bacteria on the left might just decide to leave their burning barrels and riot if they saw the other bacteria's cocktail party.