Sometimes I get moved by what I see around me and it leads me to begin a statement with the words, "There are two kinds of people in this world..."
(some example endings)
The kind who will squash a fly with their bare hand and the kind who won't.
The kind who will wear a vest and the kind who don't see the point.
People who french-kiss their dogs and those who mock them.
People who will wear two unmatching socks and those who won't.
The kind who will never own a minivan and the kind who can't pass up a generous offer of trade for a very practical, more valuable, reliable minivan, even though they always swore they would never BUY a minivan, because technically they never actually saved up a big pile of money and said, "Yes. I really want to spend this money on a minivan."
You either like Robotech or you hate it. (Nerd stuff: Just before Thanksgiving we were trying to paint the walls in our house. I asked my wife, "Should I put on a movie that we can listen to while we paint?" and she said, "Yeah, just don't play anything that is going to drive me crazy, like Minmay singing (from Robotech)." I said, "You know, Minmay is only in the first season. Season 3 of Robotech is Minmay-free." She said, "But does it still have that whiny-Luke Skywalker voice in it (Rick Hunter season 1 and Rand in season 3)?" I changed the subject, "Is their any other kind of Luke Skywalker?" I put in the live-action version of "Popeye" because it's a musical. My wife freaked out, "I said put in something that isn't annoying and you put in Shelley Duvall as Olive Oil? What is wrong with you?!?!" I quickly changed the DVD to "The Princess Bride" and she said that was perfect.
Regular people who greet you by saying "Hello" or "How was your weekend?" and co-workers who greet you by saying things like, "Hey, Mike the Coordinator has a picture of Britney Spears's kootchie on his cell phone. It's real!" Whatever dude. Doesn't she have two kids?
I'm sure there are hundreds that I am forgetting. Oh well. Do you have any?
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As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods.... but for now I hold the conch.
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9 comments:
People who see things my way, and retards!
Here's how I fall out:
I will squash a fly bare-knuckled.
I will not wear a vest (unless it's made of real gorilla chest).
I will not tongue a dog.
I will (often do) wear non-matched socks (laundry laziness- no fashion statement intended).
I own a minivan.
I like Robotech.
I say "Howdy" (but who knows what I would do if I had a cell phone).
Some people got it, some don't. I got it.
And since slimy sculpin is keeping track:
- I will squash a fly bare handed.
- I don't wear vests.
- I'll hardly even touch a dog, let alone french kiss one.
- I don't wear unmatched socks.
- I'd drive a minivan if I needed to.
- I don't think I've ever seen Robotech (can we still be friends?).
- I greet people by saying what's up? (but I'd be tempted to check out the picture of Britney, even though she's had two kids).
- I've got it too.
There are two kinds of kids in Africa...those that have laptops and those that do not... :)
Kay, about Britney having two kids. Don't you have, like THREE kids? And does this mean that every kid you have makes you unsexier or something? I guess I didn't get that...I'm pretty sure that's why she's been working out so she could be sexy and make a come back.
The thing about Britney is: I'm not really attracted to her in the first place. Next, I think the stereotypical guy has paid attention to Britney because she
has been the "dream;" the "fantasy."
Now I would guess that the two-time divorcee, single-mom of two, post-reality-show that only proves you've got nothin' going on inside, abandoned by the IT-Girl producers, lost the skank-off to Christina Aguilera, hasn't had a hit song since before she was "legal," barefoot in the bathroom, drunk in the hallway, hosehound may have a problem getting the guys to line up like they used to. Does Justin Timberlake like to remind the world that they used to have a thing going on? No. Throw that bone in the closet.
It's like I said a year ago, Britney is one bad bender away from becoming Anna Nicole Smith. People used to "like their bodies" but now it's really more of a freak show.
And I will be the first to admit that kids can take the shine off of a person. As much as you love them, it is still hard work and without an end. You can cut corners like not buckling the kids up in the car but they still make it stressful just to take a shower in the morning.
I do have three kids and, true to form, no one has asked to see my Kootchie. I will thank YOU not to bring it up.
Isn't there some starlet about to hit her 18th birthday? I can't believe I was ever into Britney. Did you ever go to sleep with Bo Derek and wake up with Bo Diddley?
Just for the record, I have it from a reliable source that socks only have to match in thickness.
So I so wear matching socks, they are just sometimes of a different color.
The kind of people who leave their makeup all over the counter...and those that don't.
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