Tuesday, December 12, 2006

It's True I am a Villain When You Fall Ill

Sorry I am slow to post. I'm just tired and busy and always choking on my own rage. When I did the Yin Yang post I was surprised that someone expressed concern about my Britney Spears comment and the possibility that I was saying that "Moms are ugly."

They are ugly, you know. Who has ever been attracted to their own mother, aside from Siggy Freud? Nobody. Because they are ugly.... ok, so that isn't very convincing and I can't make it convincing because I don't believe it. I love all of my moms.

It could still be argued that pregnancy and childbirth are physically taxing to females and that good mothers shift their priorities to their progeny, leaving less time to primp themselves. People probably don't won't to hear that but it would be hard to argue the contrary. It's not a problem. Just a change in life.

My political response would be that the worst has been assumed of me and if I had been but allowed to finish my Britney comments, the conversation would continued something like:

"Doesn't she have two kids? I thought so. So this picture of Britney's Kootchie is during childbirth, right? Because I would love the chance to bask in her motherly glow during those special moments when her baby first arrives in this world. I am so excited for her, and us, as fans and people who cherish Britney for her fragrances and other socially redeeming qualities."

That perspective can be assumed just as easily as the one where I claim girls turn into trolls as soon as the baby's head crowns.

The long and short is: I just don't care about her. I would prefer not to know things about her at all but I would settle for not having her crotch rubbed in my face when I show up for work. I know. I am a monster with outragous demands. I think she is out of her prime, but it's just an opinion and you don't have to care what I think.

I have made a speech about girls and how they are special before. I think it is funny how younger guys always want to be with girls that do what they do, like "I want a girl who mountain bikes and snowboards and can throw a baseball." Those things are admirable and I'm sure any athletic guy would feel lucky to have those traits in his female friend, but they really aren't very important.

I like a girl who knows all those girly things that I will never know. If my daughter wants to know about makeup or hairdos or what to wear... I really appreciate a perspective different than mine. If I was married to someone just like me, my daughter would probably get advice like, "You need something to where to the prom? Why can't you just wear basketball shorts?" There is an aspect of life that I will always know little about and I hope my children can learn that stuff from my wife. Heaven help my daughter if it ever falls on me to explain the menstrual cycle to her. There are things that I despise but that my wife and kids like and I am happy to be left out of it. I appreciate girls for these things. Even Britney. For her children's sake.

I wish Britney the best in reaching all of her goals.


Native Minnow said...

I'm with you on that one. Why should I have to know that Britney and K-Fed split up period, let alone the minute they split up. Or the fact that she informed him via text message (very classy I might add).

I think this country is WAY too obsessed with celebrities. I don't care if Brad cheated on Jennifer with Angelina Jolie (although, I'd have been awefully tempted to as well). I don't care that Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are best friends now after hating each other for the past few months. Nor do I care why they ever hated each other in the first place. Yet I know all of this because it is constantly shoved in my face.

Of all the things I'd like to have shoved in my face, Britney's crotch is not one of them.

Banana Creme pie on the other hand . . .

Jess said...

These are great! I am loving your blogs. This is Jessica, Andy's little sister from WC. Remember me? Anyways, I'm going to keep reading, but I just had to point out that their are men out there that find pregnant women attractive - even when they aren't the co-maker of the baby inside. Never been pregnant, so I don't know from personal experience. But, I have heard....

flieswithoutwings said...

Hey Jess, it's hard to imagine you beyond the 8th grade but good to hear from you anyhow. Tell your brother I said Hi.