Saturday, December 30, 2006

A Flaming Mass of Oil and Gas

I'm actually quite serious about wanting a chain saw. I would use it for good and justice and to perform the best of deeds.

There have been some great people in the history of the world but wouldn't they have been better if only they had been accompanied by a Husqvarna? Just imagine these scenarios:

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. --- "I have a dream... did I say 'a dream?' I meant, I have a chainsaw. And this saw will bring down burning crosses. This saw will open school doors to colored children. And you can bet your ass I'll sit anywhere I want on a city bus..."

Ghandi --- "I've got 4 horses and a flurry of metal teeth that say I'M RESISTING, bii-aaatch. I'm not going to swing them at you. I'm just saying that if you come at me and your skull happens to split in two... well, maybe you should have looked where you were going."

Jesus --- "Locusts and leprosy will seem like a walk in the park compared to this thing I'm calling The-Middle-Finger-of-God. Now repent my little sheepies."


Anonymous said...

Julius Caesar --- "Et tu Brute? Then Caesar strike you down with his Stihl. Long live Rome!"

Harriet Tubman --- "I may have been born a slave, but think of what I could do if I use this to lay down some ties for a real live railroad. Screw this underground crap."

Leatherface --- "Now let's see. If there was only something I could use to teach these kids a lesson."

Wait. Scratch that last one.

Anonymous said... might get drunk with power if you owned one...reconsider...Psychointern