It's All Relative to the Size of Your Steeple

Here is where I see Justice in the world:

Millions of americans grow up through the years and some of them find themselves very attractive. They want to bank on the notion that they are exceptionally attractive, so they pack up their suitcases and move to southern California and take on jobs ranging from restaurant servers to dancing in a chicken suit. They want to make it big in Hollywood. They sleep on floors and scrape by, hoping for a breakout audition that will land them a television pilot.

But who gets these pilots? The beautiful people? No. People like Jerry Seinfeld, Tim Allen, Ray Ramano, Roseanne, Ellen Degeneres and that Grace-Under-Fire lady. Faces to launch a thousand ships? Not at all. But they are people who can hold your interest just by talking.

Youth and Beauty can only be used as currency until someone younger and better-looking comes along. And if you don't have anything to say, you may as well be a snapshot on a wall of has-beens.

One time I worked with this lady. She was 5-foot-nothin' and about 60 years old. She had big bleached blond hair and big boobs. She kind of looked like Dolly Parton if you hacked her legs off at the knees, pulled all the stitches out from behind her ears and removed all of her plastic parts.

I forget the conversation we were having but she ended up saying something like, "... life is easier for people like you and me."

I asked, "You and me? What do you mean?"

As if I was touched in the head, she said, "People who are blessed to be good looking."

Before that moment I had no idea that she thought of us that way. All I can say is, if I am as ATTRACTIVE as my life has been EASY then I must be the most DOG-FACED boy who ever lived.