Letter From the Family Dog

Dear Emmett,

In answer to your question, it's alright for a dawg to call a dawg a dawg but that doesn't mean dawgs like people to call them dawgs. Especially if they say it like dog, ya know?

I'm sorry about all of the poop. I poop a lot. And I step in it when I walk around. And smear it around. There was a time in my life when I worried about the mess like you do. I tried to be a neat freak. You must trust me, though: My life is so much better since I just stopped caring.

It makes me feel proud when you tell people that I am nice and that I get along with everyone. But that pride makes me feel like I owe you an explanation regarding all the barking I do at the mailman. I just REALLY don't like that person. Really.

Oh, man. Do you ever get an itch that makes you want to gnaw your leg down to the bone? I've got that right now.

Anytime you want to go for a walk or play a game of tug-of-war just let me know. And, um, I'm not sorry about the poop. I just said that to be polite.

Your faithful companion,

Chloe