Sunday, September 17, 2006

Recent Moments in WTF

Recent moments that boggled my mind:

  • We moved our stuff to the new house. A week later I went to the old house to clean up. Soon my leg looked like this and worse. Analyze it, armchair doctorbs. First I thought it was mosquito bites, then I thought it was a crazy rash. It turns out it was fleas. I don't know why I should be surprised given the way life comes at me week after week.

  • Crocodile Hunter... DEAD? Live by the barb, die by the barb, I guess, but he seemed so resilient and practically immortal. I will feel better when it is announced that he actually just overplayed the extent of the injury and is alive and well. Otherwise, enjoy those happy hunting grounds, Steve.

  • We were at the arts and crafts store and my wife said, "Hey, they have those Thanksgiving figurines I like. Should we buy them?"

    I looked at one of the figurines and said, "Not if they are $35 each."

    She said, "They are only $7.95 each."

    I said, "The pricetag around the neck of this pilgrim says $35."

    She said, "These Indians are only $7.95."

    I asked, "Are you telling me the white figures are selling at $35 each and the Indians are only worth $8?"

    A saleswoman overheard us and quickly explained that, despite the striking similarities between the figures, they were manufactured by two different companies who had set two different prices for their products. Still... the bottomline is $35 for whitey and $8 for the redskins. What a world.

  • I grew up in a lifestyle conducive to an attitude of "making do" with what I have. For all the talk I do of my love of playing music, I have only owned one electric guitar for my whole life; bought when I was 13. The other day I was at the mall with my niece and daughter and something long and sharp struck me right in my heart as I realized the model of guitar I own can be purchased at the "Hello Kitty" store. That's just not right. I will make changes.

  • On break at work a little while ago, one of my bosses was giggling uncontrollably. Finally, he turned to the group and said, "Did you guys hear that Lance Bass is gay?"


    "Lance Bass." *grin* "From NSYNC. He's GAY... tee hee tee hee tee hee."

    And on and on the giggling went for a good ten minutes. I sat and stared thinking, "This man makes more money than me?" Now I can add, "This man has a job and I don't?"

    N do I need APOSTROPHE T need this torture?

  • The other day I was about to walk to the school to pick up my son (who started 1st grade). Before I could gather the girls, the door came opened and my son walked in. I asked, "Did school get out early today?"

    He said, "Yes."

    I said, "Did all of the kids in your class leave early or was it just you?"

    He said, "It was me and Destiny. The other kids were still cleaning up."

    I asked, "Who is Destiny?"

    He said, "A girl at school. She kisses me."

    I asked, "On the cheek or on the lips?"

    He said, "On the lips. I try to use my karate blocks. They don't work."

    I took him back to the school to see why his teacher would allow him to leave school early and walk home alone and possibly find out more about the kissing. When I saw his teacher she just said, "You know what? Ethan just got up and left today. I need to talk to him."

    I wanted to tear into her: "Why didn't you tell him to come back or go to look for him? Why didn't you call me to tell me he was loose out in the world?" Apparently she didn't even think to make any phone calls in effort to cover her ass. I guess if he showed up for school the next day, that would show that he was not dead in a ditch somewhere. You don't have to over-complicate these things. I decided not to waste my breath on the teacher. Instead I will cut her out of my life like a tumor.

    Native Minnow said...

    Does this mean that the girls in Ethan's class are right if they say they don't want to play with him because "boys have fleas," or was it just you?

    Native Minnow said...

    And if you want to see something that's so incredibly wrong it's funny, go to You Tube and watch Norm McDonald's take on the Crocodile Hunter's death as he's telling it to John Stewart.

    PsychoIntern said...

    I had my share of fleas in Portugal... :(