Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Finding He-mo

Today, I hope you showed up to my blog thinking that guys are awesome and girls aren't because that's what we are talking about. I wanted to take a snap at another movie that everyone loves: Finding Nemo.

Would it surprise you to learn that the story was written by a man for men? There hasn't been a proclamation to this effect by the author that I know of, but take another look at the movie. Are there ANY strong female role models? Let's review:

CORAL (Marlin's Soon-to-be-eaten Wife)

I think Coral came across as insincere and unappreciative of her wonderful husband's accomplishments in providing her with an oversized home with a fantastic view of the drop-off. Can you believe she had the nerve to speak against Marlin's desire to name ALL of their children Marlin JUNIOR or Coral JUNIOR by suggesting they name one Nemo? Me neither. Women are impossible, but at least she chose a boy's name and got eaten in a timely manner.


She's so lovably forgetful and absent-minded. But still, every man has his limits and even Marlin must confront her about being a "delay-causer" and basically tell her that she is a detrimental obstical to everything he is trying to accomplish in life. Then Marlin turns into a total douche and let's her tag along just because she's dumb and can't keep from hurting herself. She's good for a laugh.


Remember? That crazy fish from the dentist tank who thinks her reflection is alive?

PEACH (the starfish)

She's just as loud as any over-bearing mother. Luckily, like any self-respecting girl would do, she muffles practically everything she has to say behind an air-tight seal against the wall.


The pint-sized, brace-faced, fish-killing nightmare. Pure evil backed by the "Psycho" stab-music.


Even that adolescent octopus points out her own physical imperfections and the methods by which she decieves others (especially men) from noticing her stubby nub.

Shall we compare these losers with their assumed cartoon internal reproductive organs to the MALE role models in the movie? Let's see... who were the strong, nurturing, good-hearted MALE figures of the film? Oh yeah, ALL OF THEM. From the thoughtful uncle/dentist, to the intrigued pelican, to Gill (a second father), to the school of Moonfish (who come to Dory's aide when Marlin points out how annoying she is), to a surfer turtle and his favorite son, to sharks that want to better themselves, to a ray who is passionate about teaching, to Marlin, himself, whose only crime is loving-too-much... there are only good things to say about the male figures in this movie.

Like Dre said, bitches can't hang with the streets. Move over Bacon, here comes something meatier!


ShootingStar said...

So.. you remember the lesson from childhood that cartoons aren't the same as real life? (i.e. cars can't drive across the face of mt. rushmore) Just wanted to remind you of that in case you'd forgotten. Just because Nemo's writers forgot to include amazing FEMALES in their script doesn't mean they don't exist--there just aren't any cool FEMALE fish..

Native Minnow said...

Dre may have said it first, but have you heard Ben Folds' version of Bitches Ain't Shit? A true masterpiece. It's even better live.

And Shooting Star, are you serious? Cartoons aren't real? I just gave a lecture where I was talking about potential energy, and showed a precariously balanced rock, which we all know will eventually fall and squash a coyote who is trying desperately to catch a roadrunner.

PsychoIntern said...

No one can ever accuse you of not being a thinker. :)

flieswithoutwings said...

No, boys are the best. The movie was THAT good. It changed my outlook. Disney/Pixar wouldn't lead me wrong.

I've changed my mind: I WILL see "Cars" and I WILL love NASCAR and rednecks and I WILL do everything I can to encourage Hollywood to make movies that cater to rednecks and NASCAR fans.

I'm going outside to work on my car: People will know I'm awesome when they see those chrome naked-lady profiles on my mudflaps and the confederate flag I paint on the roof.

Does anyone know where I can find those chrome naked-ladies with a deerhead instead of a woman's?

Anonymous said...

I must say that I watched that movie, and thought: "That's good that they are doing a show where the child is being raised by a single Dad..." But I didn't think about all the women being stupid...

bigmagsis said...

Huh? I didn't know Disney made strong woman role models. Out of the movies I remember, the mom gets whacked or the prince comes to save the day...I must only watch the version for boys, darn=(

ShootingStar said...

Didn't Mulan kick some ass...? It's been a while since I saw that movie.

Ken said...

If you remember correctly, Mulan created an avalanche to destroy the invading Mongolians. The dumb broad also brought down the mountain on top of her own army. So she kicked her own ass...WOMAN POWER!

bigmagsis said...

Yea, and she talked to imaginary dragons...I don't see Prince Charming talking to his imaginary friends.