Thursday, May 04, 2006

Hooray for Boobies!

I've been really busy lately. I'm in the middle of switching jobs so I'm working about 60 hours this week. I was thinking about my blog and how I've been pretty self-centered with it. I used to like throwing in tidbits of fiction I just made up but I haven't had time. Lately, it's just been about what I've been doing from day to day. So here's a post just for the readers.

I wanted to talk about something that everyone enjoys talking about. I already used "public restrooms" and I wanted something more endearing than boogers or vomit and I decided on boobies. And it's not just guys that take an interest, even my highly conservative wife, mother-in-law and sister-in-law will talk at great length about boobs. I will refrain from calling them tits but I will also shy away from "breasts" as my wife would have me call them. Feel free to replace the word "boob" with any euphemism you like. But don't doubt my ability to suck the fun right out of this topic by referring to them as mammaries. Stay in line or I'll do it.

If you are going to be disappointed that I'm not going to post any nudity, just remind yourself: This IS the internet. Boobies played a D-sized roll in keeping the internet alive before it had anything of girth to offer common folks.

First, I am not going to attempt to tell you which boobs are the best. Deciding for yourself is an important and fun part of what makes life worth living. But I do think one trip to awfulplasticsurgery.com should make you think twice about making alterations.

Yes, you can be like Britney and have (ghetto)fabulous, larger-than-life warheads that look like they are going to wipe out civilization as we know it with a circuit-frying electro-magnetic pulse:



Or you can be like Britney and be fabulous without being so "in-your-face." The term "quality, not quantity" (should that have a double-T in it?) comes to mind:



Girls with small chests should not feel bad about themselves, as they seem to in american society. You are still women. I had a teacher for a "German" class in college who was very flat chested. I think she stopped thinking about boobs altogether because of what she lacked up top. As a result, the Frau would constantly come to class with no bra. Those memories will forever stand out on a cold day in my mind. I think the whole class was like a deer in the headlights on those days. I'm not saying the boobs make the woman. Quite the opposite.

I like boobs but I don't think girls should obsess about the them like they seem to. It's strange to see a "Hollywood" party on television where every woman there seems to have implants (I watched a biography of Gene Simmons on A&E). It's degrading to boobs, like they are just a purse or something.

Personally, the strangest thing about boobs is when you are a (male) kid and, here and there, you see bare-breasts in movies or whatever. When you are young you don't realize that they make these movies using the hottest models they can find:



Then comes a day when you see an actual real-life nude woman. For me, it was growing up in northern California where hippies and tree hugging people loved to swim naked in the rivers. It was just as common as not to show up at the swimming hole and your mom would have to yell at people to put their clothes on: "I have children here!"



There is an unmistakable awkwardness and deception to seeing nude models in movies and thinking they are what is "normal" and then seeing a bunch of naked dirty-haired granola girls stumbling along the banks of the Trinity River. Mind blower.

Lastly, in our society of repressed and raging emotions, it wouldn't be a good idea to have girls walking around topless. However, it is still male-driven sexism that girls are taught they MUST cover up and be ashamed of their bodies. Unlike us manly men who can let it ALL hang out.

I thought this post would be a good idea mainly so if I ever run for public office I could say it was things like this that made me lose rather than the fact that people don't agree with my political views.

5 comments:

flieswithoutwings said...

Oh, I see. It's taboo? Someone better say Yay or Nay or it will only get worse.

True, I wrote it on a whim, cheap, fast and easy but that's the world we live in.

I'm not saying I'm a big perv. Just appreciative of the female form.

Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow.

Alpha said...

This blog made me laugh. I just hadn't commented on it earlier, because I'm a girl and didn't really have anything to say. I feel bad when people are insecure about something as insignificant as boobs.

slimysculpin said...

Personally, I WAS offended. Not that your posted about bosoms, but you didn't give equal time to testicles.

slimysculpin said...

i have nothing to say. i just feel a blog on this topic merits more than three comments.

slimysculpin said...

i had to add another- because one of the comments was from the author, so it doesn't count.