I had to get up early and take a drug test for the chip loading job. I called my wife yesterday and asked her to wake me up early so I could go. This morning she woke me up and said...
Eleanor: "A dumb telemarketer called and it reminded me that I had to wake you up. It was a close call." Proud of herself, she added, "What would you do without me?"
Me: "Probably get more action... with a girl who likes it when I touch her. And I wouldn't bang my knees on the dashboard when I get in the car..."
Me: "Oh, you were asking rhetorically, were you?"
I have a habit of using the bathroom when I first wake up. I was worried there wouldn't be anything left to contribute to the "drug test" so I drank a soda while I was driving. I couldn't help but have silly ideas that the soda would make my drug test "gunky."
Them: "Sir, you tested positive for benzene, which isn't actually a drug so it's okay."
Me: "Mmmm... it was cherry flavored."
The guy who administered the test seemed to take pleasure in announcing, "This IS a hair-sample drug test. It's nearly impossible to cheat." He grinned at me like the jig was up.
I was just glad I didn't have to pee in a cup. Cut away.