Me: "Can you smell cat pee downstairs?"
My wife, the cat-lover: "How can you tell the difference between cat pee and human pee?"
Me: "Trust me, there is a difference."
There are dumb cats that come to our house all the time. They hide in our bushes, they try to jump in our car and I'm fairly sure they would like to get in our house, too.
My wife: "Did I tell you that I went over to the neighbors to borrow an onion (which they didn't have) and Rachel was holding a kitten? I said, 'Oh, you have kittens' and Rachel said, 'yeah, one of our cats just had five of them... AND the mother cat is pregnant again.' I said, 'So you'll be giving away some kitten soon, huh?' And Rachel looked surprised. She said, 'my kids won't let me give them away.'"
My wife left without suggesting the cat can be "fixed." (And that's not the only thing that can be "fixed," lady.) Yesterday, one of the neighbor kids was hanging in the prominent tree in their yard and snapped off a huge branch. All the lilac trees they chopped down are withering on the lawn next to their respective stumps. In your face, plant-lovers. Where are all the loose pitbulls when you need them? Release the hounds!