Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Elmo 2006

I shot my mouth off about Elmo to my kids and the rest of you so I felt obligated to go to his show. The kids left the lights on in the van so the battery died and I spent the morning pulling our Jeep up on the lawn to jump it. After I drove it a few miles on the highway I came home and got the kids dressed. It was 10:30 by the time I made it to the bookstore. They said the tickets were all gone. It turns out the tickets were just for the privilege of standing in line to put your kids on the monster's lap. We thought of the event as more of a circus side-show so lap-sitting was not important to us.

If you don't stand in line, you can basically walk right up to Elmo. Elmo was a 6 foot, expressionless dude who was isolated on a bench in a roped off corner. I heard children younger than mine asking, "why doesn't he talk?" You would think a professional could talk. Apparently, you can be a professional so long as you have the capacity to sit and wave. That gives me hope for my own professional career. Maybe it was a professional mime or something. It would have been more entertaining to see Elmo trapped in an invisible box or walking against the wind or something.

I myself was a rarity: the only dad in the bookstore. The rest was pushy moms and scattering kids; maybe a couple of grandparents. There was a lot of hype for this. I'm sure it's much cooler the way the organizers picture it in their heads. Kids don't like to stand in line. Kids don't like to sit and be quiet while you read them a story while a creepy guy in an Elmo costume sits quietly, quarantined behind you.

6 comments:

slimysculpin said...

I wonder why they bother to put a person in the suit? Pay some sucker $6 an hour to sit quietly and pat kids?

Ooooh, what if the head was soundproof and the person inside was really screaming profanity or laughing maniacally and no one could hear it? Heck, if you made a soundproof head and stuck the butt of the suit to the chair so Elmo couldn't flee, you could just capture people off the street and stick them in the suit. That sounds like the lamest Twilight Zone ever.

flieswithoutwings said...

I told my daughter to stand up and shout "Let's rush the stage!" so all the kids would jump on Elmo. She thought the idea was hilarious and was very excited, but when we were there it seemed pathetic enough we just wanted to leave.

ShootingStar said...

I was watching E! a few weeks ago (yes that is a humilating admission). There was a guy who walks around on the street in Hollywood w/ all the stars with the names on them, dressed up as a super slick superman. But he was complaing about the "non-professionsls" coming in to disrupt his business (his business entailed getting paid to let people take their picture with him). Anway one of the "non-professionals" was a guy in a grungy elmo suit. They intereviewed him (elmo) in what looked like a shack. Then they interviewed superman in an apartment packed with superman perephenelia. The show seemed to sympathize with superman--poor elmo. I can't remember if he talked when he was in the suit though.

PsychoIntern said...

If they interviewed Elmo, he must have spoken...or did they allow him to show his actual face and reveal his secret identity?

ShootingStar said...

Yes they interviewed him out of costume. He admitted that he was "just in it for the money." This comment was particularly offensive to "superman," who seemed to believe that his dressing up was for the greater good of humanity.

PsychoIntern said...

:)