Tips for Gift Givers

1. Don't be a sheep shopper. Just because I stop to look at something in a store doesn't mean you and four of your friends have to look at the exact same thing at the exact same moment.

2. If a store is running out of items you would like to purchase, just remember: Nobody shops at Kmart. There is a good chance they might have it.

3. Avoid kiosks in the malls. Scam city.

Gift Wrapping tips to impress your significant luvah:

1. Use ONE pattern of wrapping paper per gift.

2. Use "clear" tape (as opposed to duct or electrical tape), preferably in strips shorter than 3 inches.

3. Use scissors. Even if you consider yourself to have a gift for ripping paper by hand. And, if your gift is one inch tall and you have an excess of six inches of paper hanging off the edge of the gift, don't just roll it up into a crumpled flap. Use those scissors to trim it down a little before you fold it up.

4. Crease the paper on the corners.

5. Consider putting a bow on it. Ooohh, you could get fancy ribbon. You could spray paint the wrapped present an awesome color. You could roll up a short piece of that cheap garland they sell for trees and tape it on like a glistening "kush ball." You could hand-draw a cardinal or dove holding an olive branch or holly sprig and attach it to the bow with a springy piece of wire. That would be fabulous.

In your face, Martha Stewart.