Asphinctersayswhat?

Lately the mofos I work with have been entertaining themselves with some text-line that sends you jokes. You can either text them to request a certain kind of joke or you can ask them any random question and they will give you a goofy answer.

The 20 year old kid that I still call the "18-yr-old" whom I hang out with showed it to me. He sent in the question, "What is the angle of the dangle?"

And the jokesters responded, "The angle of the dangle is directly related to the booty of the cutie or the heat of the meat."

Some of the other mofos were asking all sorts of crazy questions like, "I am a 40 year old man who dresses like a clown to lure children into my van to be molested, what can I do to be more successful?" (I believe the response was something to the effect of "If you call your local police department, they may be able to better answer your question.")

And then the 18 year-old showed me a whole bunch of jokes that he had received from the jokesters. Practically all of them were extremely racist. Mostly about black people. For instance, one of the jokes asked, "What's the difference between a black guy and a park bench?" And the answer was, "A park bench can support a family."

There were plenty of really bad jokes, mostly aimed towards black people and mexicans. The 18-yr-old told one of the jokes to a big black dude that works with us. I believe it was this joke: "What do you call a barn full of black people?" Answer: "Antique farm equipment."

I was some distance away working with this big tongan dude. The black guy drove over and was pretty upset. He said, "Did you hear the jokes they're telling over there? Doesn't that offend you as a black person?"

I think the tongan guy agreed that the joke was offensive but he just said, "I'm not black. I'm tongan."

The black guy said, "You're with me. That's messed up!"

The tongan guy said, "I'M NOT BLACK!"

I said, "Yeah, all of those jokes are stupid."

The black guy said, "That's right, my native brother!"

Later on, the 18-yr-old came over and said, "I just asked them for a joke about native americans. I didn't say 'Indians' because I figured they would send me something about camels and people with towels on their heads."

Then his phone notified him that he had received the text from the joke-line. I asked, "So what joke did they send you?"

He said, "It's the same joke about the park bench except they replaced 'black guy' with 'native american.'"

I said, "I'm sorry to disappoint you but it's hard for me to be offended when I know they're just recycling jokes. You can put anything in there... What's the difference between a forklift driver and a park bench... what's the difference between a taxi driver and a park bench... it just sort of loses the sting. You should send in the question: Why the hell do you send out all this racist bullcrap and how can you be located for a skull-bashing?"

He reassured me, "Don't worry. I'll find you a good joke about Indians."